Every day this month, I have been so thankful. From successful surgery as part of my husband’s esophageal cancer treatment to being proud of our nation’s armed forces for being committed to their profession. I have been grateful in years past for major events, for small things, for whimsical things, and for serious things. This year, I am thankful in abundance, for reasons I will remember for years to come.
Fears, Hopes, and Dreams
On a daily basis, I am assailed by doubts and fears no matter the exterior I present to the world. I often smile, have learned to present confidence to world, present happiness. Often, this presented self is enough to overcome my dark little inside monster whispering negativity to my heart.
I will forever be concerned for my husband’s health. Cancer is an unrelenting beast that takes years to fully beat back. Treatment was rough. Recovery from surgery will be long. Every time he is due for a scan, I will worry about if it is back until he is shown to be NED. All I can do is be supportive.
With my husband out of immediate danger, my awareness of my PCOS is resurfacing. Weight I lost earlier in the year has come back. I will know about mid week how bad the damage is at my medical weight loss appointment. Hopefully, my stress eating will end, and I can get back on track. Mindful eating has not been working, which means I will be going back to tracking foods and focusing on step counts.
With yesterday being our 9 year anniversary, I do hold out hope for the future. We are trying to plan for the big 10 year milestone already. He is keeping his belief that he has beat cancer firmly in the front of his mind. This brings joy to me. My cancer warrior. I firmly believe part of why he is doing well is because he is thinking positive.
We will be working toward some goals we had before the chaos of this year occurred. Everything has slowed way down. Living day by day can be wonderful and at the same time aggravating. It is all about finding happy mediums.
As I continue to look toward the end of the year, I am thankful that I have so much support from family and friends for all that is happening. Prayers, positive thoughts, upbeat mindsets. Every person in my life with this is wondrous. I try to reciprocate as often as I can.
Thank you. Thank you every day from the deepest parts of my soul.