I would like to rant but am not even sure where to begin. I do not think I have it in me to be out and out mean. Meanness is not what I am feeling. I suppose confused and crestfallen would be better. I have been trying for YEARS to re-establish contact with my father’s side of my family. The desire and drive to do this has never been lifted from me, and I pray on it daily.
Yet, aside from a choice few who actually speak to me, the others have just remained silent. This silence is more depressing than just being told outright that you want nothing to do with me. I have tried sending Christmas cards. A few I have tried writing letters to. Some I have found on social media and subsequently been ignored in my efforts to establish contact.
I currently have more interaction with family ONLINE that I have NEVER met in person than the family I grew up knowing. I do not even know if any of the people I have been trying to reach will ever even see this blog post. If you do, please reach out to me. Even if it is just to say, “Amber, stop trying. We do not want you in our lives.” As much as I hope that is not the case, I need to know so I can stop spending part of life trying to reach you because the drive is still in me. Arbitrarily ignoring me is not enough. I am persistent.
If you cut me off because of the conflict with my father, I will have you know that he and I do communicate now. It may only be through social media, but it is a start, and one I was not sure would ever happen. If I wronged you in some way, could you please tell me? Healing cannot come if I do not know what is wrong.
If you’re reading this, and you are family that is active in my life, I love you. I thank you for being there. Maybe you can reach out and just put a bug in a few ears to please contact me, even once? Or, just ask some of the family to read this post?
I love all of my family, and this is a raw, open wound to me that I do not hear from people.
Family I Am Missing
(Not even able to contact via social media, although a couple not listed here are Reachable through Facebook though there is no conversation.)
Uncle Guy, Aunt Priscilla and Uncle John, Justin and Heather, Travis and Nikki, Uncle Keith
I have sent snail mail to everyone but the only “bad address” is for Uncle Keith. Not sure if anyone else received mail. For those I did manage to find on social media, I have been blocked.
The only family member that has ever told me flat out that he will not add me to social media is Evan, for personal reasons, and I have respected his wish not to be bothered. He is accessible though should something happen and me not be able to reach Hollie.
So, please, family. I want to see pictures of the children. I want to know how everyone is doing. I want to see how your lives have progressed.
Well, this was more of a plea than a rant. I am hoping that I will eventually hear from some family. I will continue to try and send out at least Christmas cards. I would eventually like to create email correspondence between everyone, with people in many areas, that would be the easiest way to stay in touch.
My love to all my family.