So Much To Process
Today is a hard day. Some very bitter information to swallow. We are going to move forward with determination. My husband, as ever, shows his spirit even as weak as he is, telling his doctor he will do whatever he can do because he wants to live. Hearing that quiet, plaintive voice, “I want to live,” hit so hard. I want you to live, too, my dear love.
After appointments this morning, this is what we know. His esophageal cancer has metastasized to his abdomen. He now has peritoneal carcinomatosis. This is directly affecting his bowels ability to move things along which is the cause of his constipation. He is not getting peristalsis. So, after he gets successfully cleaned out in the hospital, everything backs up again within days. He goes from being able to eat to only being able to keep down thin, clear liquids which typically do not have proper nutrients.
They have admitted him to get him hydrated. After hydration they will address the constipation again. They will get him started on TPN. Hopefully, they also get to starting chemotherapy this week. They are going to be doing a regime of FOLFOX (5fu and Oxaliplatin / oxaliplatin with fluorouracil and folinic acid). Typically this is done by a 3 day infusion every 2 weeks for up to 12 cycles, or 6 months. I do not yet know how many cycles he would be set up for.
He pushed his surgeon for a prognosis. Long and short of it all is that we do not have one. We are hoping for better than worse case scenario. Worst case scenario would be if he refused to do TPN and if the chemotherapy fails. Worst case scenario is 1 month to live. Worst case.
Fighting hard mentally, and preparing to do so physically is his task right now. He is going to do the TPN. He will hopefully be started on both TPN and chemo this week while inpatient. That is the goal. Move everything forward. It is a race against time and hoping that everything works in sync and does the job. He could have years!
He of course has me. But me is terrified. I have to be careful with time off from my new job. It is so important to the both of us that aiI work. I had to call out today, but it was the first time getting all of his details. There was no safe way for me to drive to work. I will go tomorrow.
We have his parents. They were around during round one, and where this is so much scarier, they will be around now. Someone will be with him for a majority of each day, and their help let’s me keep working.
I have my former coworkers that bolstered me during the first battle. I have new coworkers that I am forming bonds with. I have my social media support, and my support group families.
For this battle, he and I discussed it, and I did create a GoFundMe account. I am hopeful that we will be able to create some memories with assistance, but should things happen too fast, having that buffer will offset medical costs. I will link to that account at the very end. This post is by no means a ploy to promote it, but it is now part of the journey, so I mention it.
Room With a View
For now, we will take it all in stride. He is going to try and be a good patient. I will try to keep my emotions under control. Just trying to be calm right now is giving me a headache. All we can do is take it one day at a time. He is stable, and under care as an inpatient. So, breathe, and move forward. More updates will be coming.
GoFundMe : Memories and Medical for Stage 4